But I’m not upset about it.
In fact, I’m glad I failed. I probably need to do it more often.
I’m sure that I’ve mentioned this before: I am a perfectionist. Not in a cliche-job-interview-answer kind of way that just means I work very hard to do very well. I wish.
For me, perfectionism takes on the form of an All or Nothing attitude. Things will go perfectly according to plan or they don’t go at all. Not many people talk about how perfectionism can keep you from doing anything simply because it deviates from your plans.
Development is not the best environment for the perfectionist paradigm.
There’s a reason there are updates and versions of software! You can always find a change or improvement to make – that doesn’t mean that you never release! Imagine if that kind of thinking dominated even television. We’d never see the last season of Game of Thrones (we probably would have gotten a better final season of Heroes though).
And this isn’t a paradigm that applies only to one part of life. Chances are, if you have perfectionist tendencies, it spills over into other aspects of life. From how you view your job performance to making weekend plans to that workout regimen you’ve been meaning to start.
I’m glad I failed this challenge.
Not only did it give me a reality check about perfectionism, but it made me reevaluate my goals.
My goals during this challenge were created out of frustration, not motivation. I decided on goals based on what I thought I should be doing, without about why I should be doing it or if I even wanted to.
Initially, I felt conflicted about working in two different languages – all the advice out there says to pick one and master it if you want to be successful. I do want to be successful. But I also want to do something I enjoy and I deserve to have both.
Maybe next month, I’ll decide game dev isn’t for me. Maybe front-end. Maybe I’ll keep doing both. Maybe I’ll decide I hate them both. But I won’t know if I never even allow myself the chance to try.
I’m glad I failed this challenge because I learned something: there is no perfect path.